by Dan Clark

Soon the remodel of Hilbert's Space will be complete with a new bookshelf over by the windows that actually holds regular sized books. As far a comparisons of Hilbert's remodel to plastic surgery a colonic irrigation procedure most closely resembles the cleansing of papers and books, because you're getting rid of the entire icky-ness inside. The carpet replacement closely resembles a hair implant. While any sort of facial surgery like rhinoplasty, geniality (a chin reduction), or eyelid surgery (no cool name for eyelid surgery) is like building the new bookcase.
    The newest forms of plastic surgery…Uh I mean remodeling, Deady will undergo are a cleaning and refinishing of the exterior walls. With all the scaffolding surrounding Deady it looks more a fortress than a lecture hall, but once all the work is done and the scaffolding is taken down Deady will look like a beautiful, young, and vibrant building. Actually it will mostly resemble Villard Hall, with a smooth clean surface. They are going to clean off and grind down most of the exterior wall surface and then reseal it. The grinding and cleaning is a lot like liposuction, taking out the old or grinding off the old to give you a new slighter look, while the resurfacing of the exterior walls mostly resembles getting a face-lift.
    In the end we will have a brand new looking building on the exterior. Its just a matter of time before it realizes that it needs to change on the inside to make itself feel better. In the meantime just keep telling Deady Hall it is beautiful and hope we can raise its self-esteem enough to bring it out of its midlife crisis.

    In a time and age where growing old means looking younger, Deady Hall is soon to look like a rejuvenated building. Nowadays, any person going through a midlife crisis or is who sick of the way they look can go through countless plastic surgeries and look like a new and completely different person. Deady Hall is in the middle of its midlife crisis and going after any plastic surgery it can afford. Soon we won't be able to recognize it. So lets go on an exploration of changes Deady has or will be going through, and what plastic surgery each remodel resembles.
    The first of the recent cosmetic changes to Deady Hall actually took place last year with the painting of many of the lecture rooms. The dull white walls were replaced with bright pastels and the wood trim dark earthy tones. Some rooms were painted a light green color, which after referring to Crayola.com is most closely compared to electric lime. Other rooms were a light yellow or light orange which Crayola.com called laser lemon and atomic tangerine respectively. I would most closely associate this change to permanent make-up tattooing in the plastic surgery world, because of the new colors.
    The second cosmetic change at Deady was done to our good ole' study place, Hilbert's Space. It began with a good house cleaning and organizing of all loose papers and books during fall term. More recently we boxed everything up and took everything out of Hilbert's Space for the arrival of new carpet. Along with the new "plush" carpet came a wonderful gluey smell for a couple of days. The smell wasn't so bad unless you stayed in there for a couple hours doing homework, then it would start to mess with your head. Too many hours of inhaling carpet and kickboard glue and then you start to confuse your math homework you are doing with an art project, which could produce some wild results.